i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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