I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
