if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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