Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I believe in your delicious
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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