it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
