I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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