I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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