Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
