PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
