You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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