The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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