why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He? As in you personified your dick?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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