alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
