Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
