dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
