Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
