Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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