Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
