So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
