the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
