The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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