you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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