I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
