I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
