I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
