im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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