if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
