It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
