...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
