1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
