i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
