Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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