ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
