You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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