How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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