I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't think brook has ever known best
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
