she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
