i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
