grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
