Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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