I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
