I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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