Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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