Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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