evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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