Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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