take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
