I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
