I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize