Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
