I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
