Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
