i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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