Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
