Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
