it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
