I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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