it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
