It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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