My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
