so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
